Sunday, January 15, 2012

RELATIONSHIPS : What Every Woman Should Know

Sasha Martin

"There's a thousand you's / there's only one of me," raps Kanye to his audiences. This is the mentality men are encouraged to develop, letting experiences with women blend into one another anonymously without extracting any emotional relevance. The New Generation, of which I'm a part of, has trained men to treat carnal activities flippantly, rather than involving emotion. 

Of course, not every man behaves or thinks in such a way. These exceptions to the rule society has created leaves hope: the reason women still date, fall in love, and get married. 

But this new craze of 'Men Gone Wild,' is not completely the fault of men's carelessness. Women let it happen and excuse it more often than not. Rather than directly addressing a problem, women edge around it passive aggressively or expect the man to understand innately. Instead of becoming frustrated with men as a whole, take control of the situation and consider relationships in the following manner...

First: If a man is "unconcerned" and "doesn’t care" about your feelings, let alone your heart, why let him rule either? So many women spend time mulling over heart break with tear sodden pillows. Why waste all this time obsessing over someone who is clearly less involved? Everyone needs to love and to be loved-- but you never need to settle for less than deserved to reach this. Concentrate on your passions, friends, family and be single. It's enriching to say the least. Don't waste time trying to make someone love you. Someone who, if he doesn't really care, eventually won't be able to bring a real smile to your face.

Second, Stop complaining to your girlfriends about how he doesn’t do this or how you wish he’d do that. Go to him first-- explain to him, clearly and calmly, your thoughts and concerns. If he makes you feel badly for doing this, you have to wonder if he has your best interest in mind. Expressing how you feel, a routine snuffed out by society, is healthy. If someone really loves you, they should want to know how you feel. It's a dance: you compromise back and forth, and swing through life together. This takes cooperation, which takes the revealing of honest, raw feelings. And, if there is no attempt on his part to show you that he cares by addressing these matters, again, wonder if he has your best interest in mind. 

Third, don’t blind yourself. A relationship is not always strictly about emotion, but also how one another bolster each other's quality of life. There is a difference between blowing little annoyances out of proportion and ignoring bothersome behaviors because "you love him". Listen to yourself: if something bothers you at the time and you blow it off in exchange for forced happiness, resentment will surely tear you apart. If you break up, later when you mentally review your relationship, these events you chose to ignore at the time will seem much more obviously troubling. You will wonder why you put up with such things. Instead of going through this, address them at the time and don't let them sizzle on the back burner! 

Be direct with him, but more importantly, yourself. Be honest with yourself rather than rationalizing problems away. For example, if a man does not make you one of his priorities, don’t waste your own time wishing he would—realize that for the time-being he won’t. If you can handle this, simply stay with him and don’t make him one of your own priorities until you can be on a more even playing ground. If you cannot handle it, leave him. 

There are many men out there. Cherish the nice ones, the ones that care for you deeply. This is rare. Cherish the ones that bring you love. This is even more rare and quite beautiful. But realize too, that you should not hold on to someone for fear of losing them. "Some love stories are short stories, but still love stories nonetheless." As cheesy as this has sounded every time someone has said it: "if it’s meant to be it really will be". 

Sometimes, even if you don’t want to let go, it’s time. You just have to breath, realize it’s for the best, do it and watch as your life continues to unravel and every day becomes easier. You will get through what seems like heartbreak, only to fall even harder for the next person. It’s human nature. It’s life. 

So, no more self-pity! Take it upon yourself to be surrounded by people who love you, and move on from those who don't. Life is too short to be stuck in a rut.

    The Woman Behind Unleashed and the Words                       
   I am a Practice of Art Major and Creative Writing Minor at UC Berkeley. My passions are writing and the arts in general. I created Unleashed for the empowerment and enlightenment of women everywhere. I am the editor, designer and contributing writer. I truly hope this magazine speaks to each and every woman.  Sasha Martin                                               

1 comment:

LM said...

It's like playing cello where the more tension due to musical difficulty, the more one panics and grips the bow more fiercely trying at a last hitch effort for control. Logical, right?
But more pressure simply doesn't work and is counter-productive. The real cure is, the more tension, the more one must let go.