Monday, February 27, 2012



           Let's discuss some common sexpectations you are likely to experience with men, no matter how attractive or nice or funny or good a person you may be...

1) Without us girls even asking, the good old get-out-of-jail-free card is put on the table with: "I don't want a relationship," or "I don't want a relationship right now, but I could change my mind..." Which, of course, always ends with a smile and a kiss. 

Just for translation purposes? The latter really means, "I don't want a relationship, but you probably won't (keep sleeping or) sleep with me otherwise... I might as well give you hope! You never really know anyway." Sorry ladies, but you know it's true. 

As for the men who do just say, "I don't want to be in a relationship"... why would a guy ever say that unless a girl asks? He doesn't know what he'll be feeling in a month or two. Every guy who has said this to me so far eventually wants to be in a relationship. Well, I'm a pretty cool girl-- why wouldn't they want to be? Of course, sometimes the guy really isn't looking for a relationship at all, and won't settle into one. To the men who may be reading this: forget labels and just go with the flow instead of making the girl feel underrated with such unnecessary forecasts. 

Ladies, consider those two phrases. How do they make you feel? Ashamed, degraded, not good enough? The hottest, most intelligent, funny women I know have heard these phrases. I may be biased, but I'm not so bad myself, and hear these phrases too. This is pathetic. Men should be doing everything they can to be in a relationship with these women, not avoiding it because they think they might find more tail that way. The catch-22 we so often forget is that, most of the men who say this? They would be lucky to even go on a date with most of the women I know. Lucky to even kiss most of the women I know. Including you. And, them even saying, "I don't want a relationship," implies that you are the lucky one, not him. This is sad, because if anything, it should be a mutual appreciation. You are both lucky to enjoy one another's company. 

When a guy says he doesn't want a relationship? Even if you don't want one, consider why he said this to you. Because he doesn't want you to get mad when he doesn't commit? Because he doesn't want you to get mad when he hooks up with other people? Because he doesn't want to feel obliged to care? Are you really ok with any of the reasons? If you're not ok with them, then remember: 
there are plenty of fish in the sea... I suggest you swan dive into a different wave of fish. 

And, for the record gentlemen, some women don't expect relationships from you. So, when you say either of those two phrases, you just come off as conceded and stupid. 

2) Shaving. 

Ok, I prefer to shave down there, as do many many women for whatever reasons-- less messy, more organized, smoother, more comfortable, what have you. But, for the women who would prefer not to? Don't! Think about it: men expect us to shave; to look perfectly natural and disheveled (sex hair, no makeup but beautiful, etc); to dress conservatively, but still revealing just enough ... the list goes on. 

But, let's get back to shaving down there. Seriously? Men's genitalia are no picnic. Most guys do not trim, and the ones who do? They hardly trim enough! Men expect women to shave, do all these perfect things, and yet, women are expected not to want anything in return. 

How low do our standards have to go? If our standards are high, we're called high maintenance, stuck up, bitches. I say it's worth the risk of a few bad names and some patience in exchange for a guy who actually treats you right and has the right intentions. Girls shouldn't expect a man's life to revolve around hers or the moon or the stars, but girls can sure as hell expect mutual respect, honesty and caring. 

One of my guy friends drunkenly told me that, after beginning to hook up with a girl, he left her at a party, naked because she hadn't shaved. What has the world come to.

The fact that a man is privileged enough to see your down there, should be more than good enough. Sex with women has become more of an expectation for guys rather than a privilege. Why encourage this? 

3) To only want one man. 

Just like the Victorian times, women are now expected to be moral-compases of sorts. Women are supposed to want sex with one man, and one man only. Socially, men have more lee-way. It is acceptable for men to want many women; acceptable for men to go on with their lives, and not necessarily wait for one woman; acceptable for men to want a lot of sex. 

Women shouldn't feel restricted because men have created such standards. Sex is what you make of it. For some, it is personal and special. For some, it is a lot like playing tennis-- a whole lot of fun and a whole lot of sweat. Either way, we should be able to do as we please, whether it be meaningful with one person, or sporty with many. No social stigmas should be labeled to us for either (prude or slut). Girls are partially to blame for this as well. Girls do talk behind each other's backs... "she is such a slut!" Why waste time talking about someone else's personal life. Everyone should be able to do what feels right, as long as it doesn't hurt anyone else in the process. If a girl decides to sleep with more suiters than you see fit, it isn't your business to call her a slut. She has her reasons. And, if a girl doesn't want to sleep with anyone, that is also her business.

The list of sexpectations goes on. And, I lose more and more faith in men with every bullet point. But, one thing we must remember, is that the more honest you are with the people you date and yourself? The more genuine and healthy relationships you will experience. So, if a guy says, "I don't want a relationship," and you're not ok with this? Tell him. It doesn't mean you want a relationship or are desperate; it means you know how to stand your ground and demand respect. And then, there won't be any resentment. Plus, the guy does deserve to know how you really feel, not the fake front you put on to please him. If he can't handle it, he doesn't deserve you. It's actually pretty simple.

Feel free to add any sexpectations you've experienced below. From men or from women. 


Anonymous said...

In my previous relationship, I felt like I needed to live up to certain standards that my ex-boyfriend valued (i.e. not going to clubs, not taking pictures with guys, devoting all my time to him)in order for the relationship to grow and be stable. It took a while, but I finally realized that it wasn't my responsibility to help him with his insecurities about himself and our relationship and that I needed to move on with my life and live it the way I dreamed it.

Anonymous said...

You want sexpectations? I have sexpectations! Why is it that when a boy starts to make out with a girl he automatically thinks he's getting laid? What happened to making out for hours? What happened to foreplay? I had a guy skip all the above and go straight in for sex. What on Earth? Girls need prep-time. A lot of men have no regard for this. Make your man do foreplay, because honey, if you don't? It won't be as good for you and he'll think he can do whatever he wants... just make him wait. After all, patience is a virtue.

ofilbrandt said...
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