CAROLINE LEWIS
Caroline is in my creative writing class at UC Berkeley, African Studies 159: Creative Writing. This story shows us a glimpse into an adult relationship, though filled with difficult decisions concerning the separation of life styles versus the love that will always be shared, reveals the maturity needed at a certain point in life. One cannot help but admire the escalation of difficulty of decisions adults must face when the world does not simply "revolve around me" anymore, but includes a whole variety of people, including family and children. It is much like the film 'Blue Valentine.' Caroline has nicely allowed me to publish her story, so please remember that it is copyrighted 2012, and Enjoy!...
This is going to be fine. You knew this
was coming. Right? Yes. You did and it is not a big deal. At all. Deep breath,
that a girl. Eleanora leaned against the kitchen counter, eyes closed, deep in
thought. She tapped her heel rhythmically on the mahogany floor. Composure is
what will get you through this. It got you through architecture school, hell, it
got a baby out of you, and it’s going to get you through this divorce. Another
deep breath. The chime of the doorbell jolted her eyes open, interrupting the
next stage of her pep talk—preparing for the worst. She ironed out her gray, wool
sweater with her hands and walked through the living room towards the doorway.
As she marched, she caught a glimpse of herself on the wall mirror, positioned
horizontally so one could only see from their shoulders and above as they walked
through the room. That’s how she had wanted it—a lasting image that wasn’t cut
short, but followed you the length of the room. She paused and brushed her bangs
to the side. Long strands of silver peeked through her dark hair. Gosh, I
should have gotten a touch-up. And my eyebrows, I didn’t get a chance to plu—who
cares! Why do I care so much about this? It’s just Frank, for God’s sake. She
pulled open the door with a little more force than she had intended.
“Elly. I’m so sorry I’m late. If only money
gravitated towards me like traffic does.” Frank removed his coat as he entered
the doorway. “You look nice. I’ll have to stop telling people your age because
they won’t believe me anymore.” He grinned and Eleanora couldn’t help but
exchange a smile.
“It’s nice to see
you Frank, let me take that for you,” she said as he handed her the garment. No
one else called her Elly but Frank. The sound of the name resonated in her
mind, and almost made her drop the coat on the floor.
“Wow you really
kept up with the old place. It looks better than ever.” Frank took a sharp
right, helping himself into the dining room and looked out the wall of windows
that faced the lake. The trees were a beautiful blend of fire orange, gold-yellow,
and forest green. He’d traveled to many parts of the world, but Frank was still
convinced that there was no other place more gorgeous than New Hampshire in autumn.
Eleanora watched
Frank as he glided adjacent to the windows. He always loved that spot of the
house, she recalled. He could stand there for hours looking out that window.
Hopefully this won’t take that long; better distract him before he gets reeled
into that corner for the entire afternoon, she thought.
“Frank can I get
you anything to drink? Some coffee or tea?” She motioned him toward the
kitchen.
“Oh. Why, yes a
coffee would be great, Elly. Thanks.” He followed her across the hallway.
“Are those mine over there?” Frank
walked to the corner of the living room toward a stack of small yellow boxes.
“Yes, I thought
I’d get started for you. Most of them are empty but I filled a couple of them with
some old albums and books of yours,” she called from the kitchen. Just what she
wants, Frank thought to himself, me to get my things and clear out of here as
soon as possible. I bet she can’t stand the sight of me. Women and their games.
Why not just say it: Frank hurry the fuck
up so I can celebrate the seal of our marriage’s demise. Step one, get all your
shit out of my house; step two, sign the divorce papers. Thirty years I
gave her, and all she can do is give me some shitty boxes. What happened to us?
Frank looked down at the boxes, lost in thought.
“Here you go. I
hope I still remember how to make it the way you used to like. One cube of
sugar . . . two scoops of cream? Or was it three?” Eleanora handed Frank his
cup and began to sip on her own tea.
“Three but it’s
fine, I bet it still tastes great. Especially with the weather as it’s been
lately, anything hot does the trick.” They simultaneously sat down on the beige
sofa and sipped quietly. Only the chirping of the finches and jays from the
trees outside lightened the heaviness of the silence. Dried leaves brushed
against the windowpane as they made their descent to the ground.
Eleanora cleared
her throat. “So. How is the city treating you? Do you like your new place?”
“Well, I’m
adjusting. Of course it’s much different than this part of the state. But hey,
I said I wanted change, right? So I traded all of these trees and the lake over
there for tall buildings and car exhaust.” Frank Monahan gulped down the
remainder of his beverage. “I’m happy though, I’ve had over two months to get
accustomed to it.”
“That’s really great
to hear, Frank. Let me take that for you.” Eleanora took the cup and walked
into the kitchen where she was out of his sight. Well it’s not going as bad as
I thought it would, she thought to herself as she rinsed out the cup. We’re not
at each other’s throats yet. The sun’s natural light illuminated the kitchen
and gave her a boost of hope that this day wouldn’t be completely terrible. Piece
of cake. Just two mature adults . . . two mature adults going through a divorce
. . . the first time these two mature adults have seen each other in two
months. Crap.
She looked down at
the purple cup in her hands as she dried if off. The image of a kitten was
shown hanging onto a branch by his forepaws. “Hang in There!” was printed below
the picture. Eleanora studied the cup as if she had seen if for the first time
. . .
“I hate my life! There’s no future in this
stupid major. No one’s going to be interested in my work.” Eleanora sobbed into
her shirt as Frank gently rubbed her back.
“What are you talking about, crazy girl?
Your drawings are great. You’ll be a great architect one day. You just have to
work through this sucky college part, that’s all. Just give it some time.” He
gave her a reassuring smile and kissed her on the forehead. His thick, sandy
blonde hair flopped over into his face as he leaned over. She wiped the
remainder of her tears on her sleeve.
“Here take my shirt, I like the one you’re
wearing. I don’t mind if you get your tear buggers on it.”
The next morning, Eleanora rushed into her
apartment kitchen, late for class as usual. As she reached to turn on the
coffee maker, she noticed a purple cup sitting next to it with a note attached:
“Humans are stronger than kittens.”
The moving of
boxes in the living room placed Eleanora back into reality. She caressed the
cup and placed it back into the cupboard.
“Did you want some
help in here?” she asked. Frank was sitting on the floor rummaging through the
boxes.
“Umm, I’m just
checking through what you’ve already put in here, just to give me an idea of
what I still need to pack up. But no, I don’t want to take up anymore of your
time. I know the big day’s tomorrow and you must have plenty of things planned
for today.”
“Nonsense. You
forget that I don’t leave things for the last minute. Everything for tomorrow
has already been taken care of. I just need to set some things up around the
house for the reception. Emily was very picky about how she wanted it to look,
especially since it’s taking place here. I think she gets that pickiness from
you, “ Eleanora teased.
“I still can’t
believe she’s getting married. Wasn’t she five not that long ago? Now she’s twenty-four
and going off into the big world. Time flies by, boy I tell you.” Frank taped
up a box and put it on top of the pile forming in the corner.
“How about this,”
Eleanora declared, “I’ll get some things done around the house but I’ll also
keep an eye out for your personal items that you left behind.”
Frank nodded in
agreement. “Okay, I appreciate it thanks.” He watched her exit the room and
stood up to do one final search of the living room before moving to the next
room. As he looked around he saw the horizontal mirror. He shook his head at
the reflection looking back at him. Why on God’s green earth would she want to
put that horizontal? he thought to himself. “Why would someone only want to see half of themselves?” He
remembered saying to her. “That defeats
its purpose. You know those people who wear blue shirts and green pants? I bet
you they don’t have a full-length mirror. Either that or they put their
full-length mirror horizontal.”
“Fine. Put it how you want it,” she
exclaimed and stomped out the room. He stared at the mirror. Well she
finally got what she wanted, he thought. Frank resumed to searching about the
room, through the bookcases, under the desks. Done. Onto the dining room. His
favorite room of the house. He walked through the hallway to the dining room
and paused at the entrance. The long oak table was the centerpiece of the room,
surrounded by matching chairs with carved intricacies on the legs. A china
closet was positioned in the corner, encasing chinaware that Eleanora had
collected over the years. Frank walked over to it as if it was a new addition
to the room, even though it had been there for over 20 years. He never understood
the use of china; why have a cabinet full of dishes that are never put to use.
What a waste.
He walked passed the
closet and set his eyes on the real reason he came into the room—the wall of
windows. From ceiling to floor, one could see the view outside of the
magnificent lake, the dock, and the forest of tricolored trees. Elly must think
I’m a nut job, he thought. But there was a meaning for this space that even she
didn’t know about. Sure, she thought that he loved the view, but there was
more. He looked closer to the lake. Yes, it was still there. The bench . . .
“Excuse me, do you mind if I sit here?”
Frank looked down at the girl with the dark curls and a ribbon in her hair. The
girl that would come to this same spot almost every day that summer and look
out at the lake, watching the sun set. The girl who he had wanted to approach
for almost a month. She looked up at him with kind eyes, freckles dotting her
cheeks, and smiled, “Sure.” Frank had watched her from the shack near the dock
where he would rent out boats; she’d jog around the lake so gracefully and then
sit at the bench to rest. She always looked so beautiful and peaceful there by
the lake that Frank was hesitant to pursue her, until the thought came that one
day, she might not come back. She might decide to jog somewhere else and then
what? That was enough for him to get over his anxiety and approach her. And
from that day forward, they would meet at that same bench every day as the sun
set.
The bench had
suffered some wear and tear over the years but it was still going strong. That
little pile of wood was the reason he and Eleanora decided to by this house,
for the view and the memory of when they first met. He was glad he decided to
let Elly keep the house, at least one of them could hold on to the memory.
Frank had chosen the location, Elly created the design for the house. Frank
leaned against the glass and could see that another couple was sitting there,
holding hands and looking over the glistening water at the falling sun. Falling
sun? What time is it? Frank looked at his watch and saw that it was quarter to
five.
“Nope, nope,
nope,” Eleanor said out loud to herself as she flipped through the videos in
her bedroom. She wanted to play some old videos of Emily when she was a child
at the wedding reception tomorrow night; nothing like some good old motherly
embarrassment. She had made a pile for Frank as well that she would give back
to him. “Give Me Five: Football Live,” “The Dirty Dozen,” “Jaws.” That last one
gave Emmy nightmares for weeks, she smiled to herself. It didn’t help much that
they lived right next to a giant body of water. What she found next caught her
off guard, “Frankie and Elly’s Wedding: I Fell in a Pile of You and Got Love
All Over Me.” She rolled her eyes, why did she let Frank label the videos. Should
Frank have this or should I? she wondered. He’d probably lose it, maybe even on
purpose. The date 7-11 was marked on the corner of the label. Their anniversary
. . .
Eleanor glanced at her watch. 9:45. Where
the hell is he? She opened her planner, “Anniversary dinner @ 7:30 7/11 J.” She threw it onto
the couch and began to remove her heels. She suddenly heard a key enter the
door lock and looked up with her arms folded across her chest. Frank stumbled
in, giggling and waving out the door as a car drove away. He turned around and
with one look of his wife, said, “Uh-oh.” She grabbed her heels and marched up
the stairs.
“Elly,
I’m sorry! I completely forgot. It’s not too late to go, put your shoes back on
baby.”
“That’s
the last thing I’m going to do! Look at yourself, you’re drunk. This is
ridiculous. You’re such a child.”
“I’m
not drunk, I had a couple drinks with my coworkers at the firm. I just forgot,
it won’t happen again, I promise.”
“That’s
exactly what you said the last time, Frank. I’m tired of you being so
irresponsible.” She slammed the bedroom door shut and sat down on the floor
with her face in her arms.
Emotions
resurfaced in Eleanora that she had forgot about, feelings of anger,
frustration, and disappointment. What happened to us? she thought. She looked
down and realized she was gripping the wedding video so hard that it was on the
brink of breaking. She glared at the tape for a moment, then stuffed it in the
VHS player. She immediately regretted the decision. The tape restarted where it
had left off, at the reception; the cameraman zoomed in on Frank and Eleanora
having their first dance. He spun her around and took her back in his arms
flawlessly; he always was a good dancer. She on the other hand wasn’t as
coordinated, but no one would ever know with the way Frank led her across the
dance floor. Frank looked into her eyes so intently as they danced, as if she
was the only thing that mattered in the entire world.
“I’m
done with the . . . downstairs,” Frank’s voice trailed off as he peered his
head in the room. Eleanora jumped up, startled and embarrassed. “What ya got
there?” Frank said as he walked into the room.
“I
. . . Well. I was just going through all the videos and wanted to make sure
this one still worked. You know how sometimes you would accidentally tape over
things.” She searched for the remote to turn it off.
“I
would never tape over this, you know that. Hold on for a second, I haven’t seen
this in ages. Is that Uncle Richard, look how thin he is. And wasted.” Frank
chuckled and sat on the bed next to Elly. “Were you going to give this to me?
I’d feel safer if you had it.”
“Well,
if you insist, sure I’ll hold on to it.” Her whole body felt tense.
“Sorry
for barging in like this. If it makes you uncomfortable, I can go look through
the rest of the rooms,” Frank said.
Yes!
Leave! she wanted to scream. “No, that’s okay. It’s your video as much as it is
mine.” Stupid, stupid. What’s wrong with
you? Eleanor kicked herself.
They
sat there for the next hour watching the video of their past, the tape that
proved they were once in love at some point in their lives; that it wasn’t just
a figment of their blurred memories. They laughed together and at other times
there remained an uncomfortable silence in the room.
Eleanora
realized that it was no longer bright outside. “Goodness, I had no idea it was
so late. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have put this on, that’s my fault. I’m sure you
need to get out of here. Where are you staying?”
“I’m
staying at the hotel on Dawson, about 20 minutes away. All the other hotels were
booked. We didn’t invite that many people to the wedding did we? My wallet
hurts just thinking about that.”
“No, there’s a
conference or something this same weekend.” She met eyes with him and uttered
out the unthinkable. “You’re always welcome to stay here, you know. It’ll save
you some money and time.”
He looked at her
with a surprised look. “Really? You think that’s okay? I don’t want to impose.”
He shifted in his seat. “All my ‘father-of-the-bride’ gear is in the car so
that could potentially work.”
“Of course it is.
We have plenty of space here, you know that. You can just take one of the guest
rooms.” The hospitable host in Eleanora was fighting against her female
intelligence. And the latter was losing.
“Well, okay great!
We can leave for the ceremony together in the morning, I’m sure Emily will be ecstatic
so see us together.” His gaze returned back to the screen, where they were
cutting the cake. Eleanora threw a handful of ice cream cake right in his face,
not realizing how hard the ice cream was. Frank yelled out in pain, hunching
over as he secretly grabbed a piece on his own, and hit her once she leaned
over to see if he was okay. They laughed, icing smeared all over their faces,
ice cream dripping down. Frank smiled to himself at their genuine happiness. He
looked over at Eleanora who was also smiling, a faint tear in her eye.
His hand reached
over to wipe it away. She at first retreated, then she allowed the gesture of
kindness. Frank looked at the girl with the dark, graying curls. The ribbon no
longer in her hair, but the freckles unmistakable.
Eleanora looked at
the man who still didn’t mind cleaning up her tears. Whose sandy blonde hair
had become less thick, but his smile just as infectious.
Frank took Elly’s
face in his hands and kissed her. “At Last” played in the background as the
couple in the video held each other in their last dance.
* * * *
This will be no
big deal. Nope. I slept with my husband, who will soon be my ex-husband.
Everyone does that. Right? Eleanora flipped two eggs over, deep in thought.
Yeah, it was just casual farewell sex. Is there such a thing? Oh my god, this
is going to be a disaster. What if he runs out the door, too embarrassed to
face me? She tilted her head around the corner of the kitchen to look at the
doorway. Was he planning this all along? Was he using me for a last little
shebang or something? She cut the eggs into pieces with her spatula. They were
supposed to be sunny-side-up, but now they’d have to be scrambled. You are the
one that invited him to stay over, a little voice said in the back of her mind.
She sighed. She had as much to do with it as he did. What was she thinking,
putting on that damn video? Extremely scrambled eggs.
“Good morning,
sunshine. Did you need help with that . . . egg? Or how about I make some
orange juice.” Frank ducked his head into the refrigerator. Crap. She’s really
pissed off. I shouldn’t have kissed her, he thought. This is all my fault. He
squeezed the oranges quietly into a container. “That was great last night. The
video! I mean. It was great to see all of our family members and friends 30
years ago.” He bit his lip and focused on the oranges.
“Yes, it was a
beautiful wedding. I hope Emily’s will be just as memorable.” Eleanora set down
two plates on the kitchen table. They both sat in silence for what seemed like
an eternity.
“Listen, Elly.
Eleanora. We’re both adults here. We can talk about this. What happened last
night was just an accident. I mean, don’t get me wrong, it was great; but I
never planned for it to happen, trust me.”
“You’re right. It
was just old feelings that came up, probably from our wedding video. I
apologize for leading you on in any way.” She was relieved Frank felt the same
way, that it was just an accident. But she also wondered if it was a “meant to
be” sort of circumstance. What if this was a sign that their marriage still
might have a chance? A last glimmer of hope. She studied Frank as he gargled
his orange juice and smiled at her. Why is he so damn confusing?
The chiming of the
church bells resonated throughout the halls, indicating that it was time. Frank
paced back and forth along the corridor of the church. He looked down and
realized he had made a path in the rug from his nervous strides.
“Are you ready?”
Eleanora walked up to Frank to give him a look over.
“Yes? Yes. I am
ready for this.” Frank lied.
“Do you remember
your line?” she asked as she straightened his bowtie. Frank paused and searched
the room for an answer.
“‘I do’, Frank!
You have two words to say. Emily will forever hate you if you do this wrong.”
“I don’t know how
you do it. You stay so composed, even in the most stressful situations.” Frank
said as he looked towards the white double doors that he would have to go
through in a matter of seconds.
“Years of
practice. You’ll do fine.” Something caught her eye behind Frank. “Looks like
you have someone waiting for you,” she said smiling. She gave his arm a
reassuring squeeze and disappeared through the doors. Frank turned around to
see his daughter, buried in a blanket of white satin, and lace. Suddenly all of
his anxiety disappeared.
“I know my girl’s
in there somewhere,” he said as he embraced Emily. She looked absolutely
stunning, as well as painstakingly terrified.
“Hi Dad. You look
really nice, so does mom. Did you two come here together?” she asked as her
gaze wavered back and forth between her father and the looming white doors.
“Well . . . you
see . . . it’s a funny story . . .” Frank’s words were interrupted by the
playing of the organ. Thank God. Barely
got out of that one alive, he thought. Two men in suits opened the doors wide,
exposing what lie behind the white frames. A room full of people stood up in
synchronization, followed by “Ohs” and “Awws.” About forty people pulled out
tissues. Cameras flashed from every direction, temporarily blinding Frank. He
held out his arm and smiled down at Emmy. She shakily wrapped her arm around
his, as they began their decent down the aisle. Don’t fall, don’t trip, don’t
walk too fast, don’t walk too slow, don’t smile too much, don’t look sad . . .
Frank struggled to remember the list of things Emily told him not to do. She
had high expectations for a man that couldn’t walk and chew gum at the same
time. Frank fought the urge to look down and make sure he didn’t have a stain
on his tuxedo. Then he realized no one was looking at him. He was merely her
accessory. The Great Wall of China was no comparison to how never-ending this
trek seemed. Frank sighed in relief as they finally reached the end.
“Who gives this
bride away?” the pastor asked, looking at Frank expectantly.
“I do.” Frank
kissed Emily on the forehead and shook the pastor’s hand as he let her go. The
girl who was five years old yesterday. Frank took a seat next to Eleanora who
gave him a nod of approval for his performance. “Perfect 10” she used to tell
him. Frank looked up at the girl with the dark curls and streaks of sandy
blonde in her hair. And the man that looked into her eyes like she was the only
meaningful thing in this world. His eyes said it all. He would do anything to
make her laugh, comfort her in times of need, be next to her when she woke up
each morning with a kiss. Frank knew this look all too well, because not so
long he shared it with the woman of his dreams. The woman seated to his left.
Don’t ever let her go, Frank wanted to tell the young man. Don’t ever lose
sight of what’s right in front of you.
As Eleanora
watched Frank give their daughter away, she realized that he and her would
never work their marriage out. They had grown apart over the years and had
accumulated too many differences. Too many bridges were burned that could never
be rebuilt again. As her daughter and her new son-in-law exchanged vows, she
couldn’t help but recognize the look their eyes shared. The fire that she and
Frank used to have had been stomped out by fights, extinguished by tears, that
look of longing no longer in their eyes for one another. Their path of love had
ended, and Eleanora only hoped that Emily could do what she wasn’t able to—make
their love last a lifetime. Hang on to every single memory, she wanted to tell
her daughter. Use them as fuel to keep the fire burning.
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