Page Turners: Where Do Babies Come From?

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Draw it out

A Mother’s Monologue

Caroline Lewis

“Mom? Where do babies come from?”

No. It can’t be time for that conversation already. What is she, six? What six-year-old asks that question?! I wasn’t expecting to talk about this until she was at least thirty or something. That’s a reasonable age, right? How old was I when I asked my mother that? I don’t even remember . . . maybe she won’t remember either. In fact, maybe she’ll forget what question she asked in the first place; be distracted by a crayon or something like six-year olds should. Nope. She’s still standing there. Damn. Okay. Okay. You can do this, just make something up. Yeah, she’ll never know the real truth until, well hopefully never. Yeah, I can just create some sort of story and she’ll believe it for sure. Actually, she did challenge me on that one story I had to create when she caught me eating Santa’s cookies. He’s watching his weight, I lied. Good one, Susanne. Okay, so it has to be somewhat believable without giving too much of the actual details. What if she tells all of her school friends where babies come from once she hears it from me . . . they might tell their mothers and I would be the laughing stock at the Girl Scout meetings. This is so much pressure.

“Well . . . You see . . . It’s kind of like this . . .” Come on spit something out, she’s going to know you’re making it up, and then she’ll think it’s okay to lie. Next thing I know, she’ll be in jail. A criminal. All because I lied. No. I'll stretch the truth, that's all. Yes, that’s more like it.

“Well there are these bunnies . . .” Bunnies! What’s wrong with you, look how much she just beamed with excitement, you know she loves bunnies. She shouldn’t be excited about this. No. This should be something . . . something she never wants to ask me again. Take a different path. “I---I mean there are these snakes . . .” Great, now I’m going to make her afraid of babies, she looks terrified. Something in the middle? Screw animals, this path isn’t working.

“When it rains . . . umm . . . babies fall from the sky.” Okay she seems to be buying this, keep going. “Because they come from clouds.” Of all days for crayons NOT to be laying around on the floor! “When there’s lightning, that makes girl babies and . . . umm when there’s thunder that makes boy babies.” A blank stare. Isn’t that a good enough answer? Good thing we don’t live in Seattle . . . then she’d really be on to me about why there aren’t more babies around. Uh-oh, I can tell she’s really thinking this through. “And families that want a baby run outside when it’s about to rain . . . and they, they uh they catch the baby they want with an umbrella.” I blew it. Stick a fork in me, I’m done. Start thinking about new places to move to, cause you will be laughed out of town. Maybe somewhere where it doesn’t rain a lot . . . Oh, okay she’s gone. She left? Strange child, that one. Ouch--

“What’s this? An umbrella! Well . . . thank you honey!” This is so much pressure. 


Top Image (c) http://www.chicagonow.com/cheaper-than-therapy/files/2012/03/nervous.jpg

Creative Writing Columnist, Caroline Lewis:

My name is Caroline Lewis, I am a super-senior at Cal (they just can't get rid of me!), and I am studying Integrative Biology with a minor in Creative Writing. Some might be thinking, "Why, those have absolutely nothing to do with each other" but I love writing fiction, it's my means of escape from the rigorous world of science. I especially love to incorporate humor into my writing; sometimes you have to search for it, but don't worry it's hidden in there somewhere! I hope you enjoy my work as much as I love creating it, and I look forward to working with this great group at Unleashed.