CUT THE C#@$: Looper Review

SAMANTHA SALIS

I Came to See Joseph Gordon Levitt, I Left With a Heart Attack

I love the movies. But let's face it; an hour and a half is a long time to sit still. Even if the movie is good, it's normal to sigh or check your watch. 

Not in Looper. For all of the 2 hours (1 hour and 58 minutes if you really want to be anal about it), I sat with one hand clenched around my friend’s thigh, squeezing for dear life (poor girl!), while the other hand was clenched against my face. I admit, I do like adding some drama, lets say, “pizzazz” to stories. But, in this statement, I do not exaggerate in the slightest:

In my 20 years of life, I have never been so entrenched in a movie.

The entire time I was in suspense. My heart was racing. I cared. I really cared. On more than one occasion, I had to remind myself that it was just a movie, that the characters and story were not real, that this was not the last time that I would ever see the beautiful face of Joseph Gordon Levitt. 

I practiced some deep breathing yoga exercises to slow my heart rate and prevent my oncoming heart attack. And I can guarantee you that the rest of the theater felt the same way. The movie finished to a dead silent crowd among which sighs of relief could be audibly heard. Because everyone wanted to know the story and the fate of the characters till the very last millisecond.

Basically, it was a really f*&%#*# good movie.

I didn’t write this article with the attention of giving a synopsis of the film because I expect anyone who doesn’t live in a hole to see it. And I would hate to interfere with this magical experience with any spoilers. But out of concern for public safety, I would like to warn everyone to see the movie on a day when you are not already stressed or upset. I don’t want anyone having raised blood pressure.

Sparknotes:

·      Go see the movie ASAP because it’s freakin’ awesome.

·      Bruce Willis is amazing and will blow your away with his badass-ness.

·      I have already claimed Joseph Gordon Levitt as my own, so please do not ogle him. K. Thanks.

Also, Sasha Martin (the editor of Unleashed) says to see Skyfall! 007 is back!

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 The "Is This Real Life?" Column, Samantha Salis:

Sam is a Psychology Major and Political Economy Minor at UC Berkeley. She is a dedicated young woman, ambitious and sharp as a whip. Our dear Samantha tutors high schoolers and works at a Psychology lab at UC Berkeley. Even with this busy schedule, Ms. Salis creates the time to divulge to us her insider perspective on the world around us, backed with thorough researc. Enjoy!