Quick announcement: For the Spring Semester, starting in December, due to authors traveling abroad (to Italy, South Africa, France, and more!), Unleashed is being published once a month. This semester, we will include guest articles written by people of interest: musicians, wise parents and more surprises to come!
The Ten Commandments of Women...
Commandment I. Thou shall be asked out properly
The whistle. The hand grab. The mortifying pick-up line. And of course, the wink—smile—gun combo. Women are all too familiar with these attempts at getting their attention, but men should know there is a better way of asking a girl out. A much better way; a certain etiquette that should be followed, if you will. It’s quite easy, and with practice can be accomplished in no time.
First and foremost, women are not dogs. Therefore, if you whistle at a woman that is walking by, do not expect her to turn around, joyously panting, running to your feet. Expect her to roll her eyes at the ignorance of such a gesture and keep walking. Sure, you might be so far away that the only way for her to acknowledge your presence is the high pitch of a whistle. But if you want to talk to her that badly, do some exercise and jog over to her. The same goes for honking horns. Women will not chase after the car in excitement, such as a dog would. Save the whistle for dog kennels and the horn-honking for traffic.
Next, unless a woman drops something on the ground or is about to walk into oncoming traffic, never ever grab her hand, or any other part of her body for that matter. Respect her personal space and use your words like a civilized human being. A light, gentle touch on the arm is okay in situations where vocalization may be difficult, such as in a loud club, but grabbing is what is expected of monkeys, not people. Just keep your hands to yourself.
And then there’s the pick-up line. “Did it hurt? When you fell from Heaven?” “Hey baby, are you a parking ticket? Because you’ve got fine written all over you.” “I lost my phone number . . . Can I have yours?” Lastly, “Are you from Tennessee? Cuz you’re the only ten I see.” Believe it or not, lines just like these (and many much worse) are used every day, and unfortunate women have to listen to them. Remember The Fresh Prince of Bel Air, where Will Smith would pull out one of these little devices to grab an attractive girl’s attention? Well even he couldn’t swing the pick-up line in his favor without getting the cold shoulder or an occasional slap in the face. That in itself should be a telltale sign not to use pick-up lines. While it is true that they can be pretty entertaining, they are best used in a non-serious setting—i.e. as a joke to friends or family, not strangers.
Well, how do you properly ask a woman out? one might ask. If you heed to the advice above, you’re already off to a great start. Let’s go through some possible scenarios. If you see a woman walking on the street, walk over to her and say “Excuse me miss, may I talk to you for a minute?” or start a conversation, “I noticed you are _____, I am also _____” and so on so forth. This gesture shows that you are treating the woman as a person and not an object or animal. If a woman is sitting on a park bench or in a café, don’t plop yourself on the seat next to her, put your arm around her and say, “Your place or mine?” Walk up to her and politely ask, “May I sit here with you?” Lastly, if you are at a nightclub or bar, and a girl is with a group of friends, don’t come up behind her, grab her ass and give her a seductive wink as you pull her away from the group. Walk up to the friends, acknowledging them, and ask, “May I steal your friend away for a second, I’d like to talk with her.”
In summary, when asking a woman out, treat her with respect and courtesy. That’s all we ask. Don’t get shut out by a woman before she even gets a chance to know you because you whistled at her or used a demeaning pick-up line. You’re better than that.
And she will see that, too.
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Creative Writing Columnist, Caroline Lewis:
My name is Caroline Lewis, I am a super-senior at Cal (they just can't get rid of me!), and I am studying Integrative Biology with a minor in Creative Writing. Some might be thinking, "Why, those have absolutely nothing to do with each other" but I love writing fiction, it's my means of escape from the rigorous world of science. I especially love to incorporate humor into my writing; sometimes you have to search for it, but don't worry it's hidden in there somewhere! I hope you enjoy my work as much as I love creating it, and I look forward to working with this great group at Unleashed.