Sunday, September 23, 2012

PAGE TURNERS: Of Dwarfs and Men (Real World Disney III)

Quick announcement: Unleashed will be published bi-monthly (two weeks out of the month).


[Previously, on Real World Disney—The cast gets up-close and personal in the Jacuzzi, while Gaston and Aladdin arrange a risky bet early on in the show. Plus, a romance already? Two characters hook up that you might not have expected. See the story continue to unfold . . .]

This is the true story... of eight strangers... picked to live in a together and have their lives taped... to find out what happens... when people stop being polite... and start getting real...The Real World DISNEY.

The sun rises over the horizon, as a rock music overture plays; the camera spans to different shots of the Disney kingdom, ending in a frontal shot of the mansion. The camera pans through the house, passing the glowing living room aquarium, the pool table, and the gigantic dinner table. The camera then peers into each of the 4 bedrooms at the snoozing cast members:
. . . Peter is observed in bright green, silk pajamas with an eye cover on; Eric lays in the bed next to him making bubble sounds in his sleep.
. . . Cinderella is seen in her retainer and nightgown, and Pocahontas sleeps on the floor (even though a bed is provided), the two sharing a room.
. . . further down the hall Gaston is passed out with a mirror in his hand, and Aladdin cuddles with his lamp.
. . . in the final room at the end of the hallway Tiana sleeps soundly with blankets over her head, and Snow White is sleeping horizontally stiff on her bed.

An alarm sounds-- 7:00am! And suddenly a cascade of small birds rush in through the window and remove the blankets from Snow White, chirping loudly. Two squirrels climb into the room and pull back the blinds in unison, allowing the blinding sun to enter the dark room. A deer and his mother trot in through the door and nudge Snow White awake. One of the birds swoops down to press the “dismiss” button and Snow White sits up, stretching and yawning.

Snow White: Ooh, what a beautiful day!

Tiana: (Half awake) Tell those damn birds to stop chirping.

The birds open up the drawers and pull out Snow White’s blue and yellow dress and drop it over her, as the fawn finds her red cape and attaches it to the back.

Snow White: Come on! It’s time to make breakfast!

The animals rush down the stairs with Snow White behind them.

Hours later, the rest of the characters trickle down the steps. Eric is the first to enter the kitchen.

Eric: Crap, we must have left the door open again. First the frog, now this!

Snow White: Oh these are mine. They befriended me in the forest during my time of need. And ever since, they’ve been my little helpers. Aren’t they just adorable?

She pats one of the deer on the head. One of the chipmunks climbs up Eric’s pants.

Eric: Umm . . . are they . . . trained?

Snow White: Of course! Who do you think made this breakfast?

A squirrel is seen stirring the oatmeal with its tail, and the birds bathe in the pitcher of milk; one of the deer sneezes in the eggs.

Eric: I think I’ll pass on breakfast today.

Cinderella descends the stairs.

Cinderella: Yummy! Do your animals turn into coachmen?

Snow White: No they don’t . . .

Cinderella: Then what use are they?

Peter Pan: Omigod, it’s an infestation! Someone call an exterminator!

Snow White: It’s okay Peter, they’re my friends.

One of the birds poops on Peter’s shoulder. Peter shrieks and flies out of the room.

Gaston and Aladdin come down together.

Gaston: (To Aladdin) And that’s why you don’t watch movies with ugly girls right before you go to bed.

They both pause when they enter the kitchen.

Aladdin: So ... you wanna get take out?

Gaston: Hell yea.

They turn around and exit the mansion just as Pocahontas walks in the kitchen.

Pocahontas: Wow, I’m totally feeling the vibe in here. I didn’t know we could bring our animals. I have a raccoon and hummingbird.

Snow White: Bring them along! The more the merrier!

Pocahontas: Awesome. So is there a special occasion for all this food you've made?

Snow White: Well, I wanted it to be a surprise, but some of my friends are going to come and visit me today! There’s seven of them, but you will hardly notice they’re here.

Tiana enters the kitchen with circles under her eyes.

Tiana: Do you have to wake up by your animals every single morning? They’re loud, they smell, and they leave droppings all over our room!

Pocahontas: It is the natural way of waking up. We all should wake up like that; ditch the electronic alarm devices and let nature rise us out of our beds.

Snow White: I agree!

Cinderella: My Fairy Godmother was supposed to wake me up... but she didn’t. What the heck happened to her?

A giggle is heard in the guest room.

Tiana: Is someone in there?

She walks down the hall and opens the guest room door; Tiana screams and shuts the door closed again.

Pocahontas: What happened? Should I grab my spear?

Tiana: Yes, spear my eyes. I want to destroy the image of what I just saw.

The Fairy Godmother appears with a sheet wrapped around her.

Cinderella: Fairy Godmother!

Fairy Godmother: I’m sorry, Tiana. I didn’t mean for anyone to see that. That last one was his idea.

The Genie comes in behind her, smiling.

Genie: Ladies, good morning. I have to return to my lamp, but I’ll be seeing you tonight (he winks at the Godmother). Come give me a rub anytime.

He poofs into a blue mist and disappears.

Fairy Godmother: I love when he does that.

Cinderella: Okay, eww. I would ask you to dress me but I don’t know if that wand is clean anymore.

Fairy Godmother: Oh don’t be ridiculous, child. It’s just a little innocent fling.

Cinderella: Whatever.

Suddenly, the front door bursts open and a loud “Hi Ho!” resounds through the mansion.

Snow White: (Jumping up and down) They’re here!

She runs into the living room followed by the animals.

Tiana: What did they just call her?

Doc, Happy, Sneezy, Sleepy, Bashful, Grumpy, and Dopey march into the house in single file. Snow White runs up to them and gives them each a kiss on the forehead.

Snow White: How I’ve missed you so much! What do you think of our new giant cottage?

Doc: It’s just swell! Right men?

Happy: I love it!

Sneezy: It’s a little dusty.

Sleepy: How many beds are there?

Bashful: There’s so many pretty ladies here.

Grumpy: It sucks.

Dopey picks his nose.

Just then, Peter Pan flies down the stairs.

Peter Pan: What was all that noise I hea . . . (he pauses) Why, hello.

Later that night, the characters decide to treat their guests to a good time and hit up the hot new club downtown: “Club Mick” . . . A long line leads out of the building, with Goofy as the head bouncer.

Tiana: Man, it’s going to take forever to get in.

Snow White: What’s that? Oh, great! Dopey says he’s got it.

Dopey walks over to Goofy and the two exchange a short dialogue. Goofy chuckles and pulls back the rope. Dopey proudly looks back and enters the club.

Tiana: He’s got such a way with words.

Inside the club, blaring music pounds against the walls, the bar active with drinkers.

Gaston: (To Aladdin) I’m going to get 10 numbers tonight. Easy.

Aladdin: Remember, guys don’t count.

Snow White: Let’s dance!

The dwarves all shout “Hooray!” and race under the feet of the other dancing people. Dopey, Happy, and Doc all stand on each other’s shoulders to dance with Snow White. Sneezy and Sleepy dance with them in a circle as Peter Pan approaches.

Peter Pan: May I cut in?

Sneezy and Sleepy dance with Peter as Grumpy heads to the bar.

Grumpy: I’ll have a potion on the rocks.

An old lady with a dark hood turns around. She has missing teeth and a mole on her nose.

Old Lady Bartender: Coming right up.

Grumpy: Say lady, you look familiar.

Old Lady Bartender: I don’t know what you’re talking about. Is there a woman with you with skin like snow and hair as dark as night?

Grumpy: Yeah, what’s it to you?

Old Lady Bartender: Well, we make a special apple martini that she might like . . .

Meanwhile at the booths . . .

A tall, slender man approaches Pocahontas.

Man: Excuse me. You. Dance. Like?

Pocahontas: Do I want to dance? Sure. What’s your name?

Man: Tarzan. My name.

Pocahontas: I like your style.

Cinderella and Eric get up to dance as the DJ plays “I Just Can’t Wait to Be King.”

As Tiana waits at the bar, a man approaches her. He gives her a red rose.

Man: Miss, I love this song. Would you care to dance?
Tiana: Sure.

Taking the rose, she gulps down a ‘Swamp on the Beach’ potion and begins to dance with the man.

Halfway through the song, the man morphs into a huge hairy beast.

Man: Dammit. I’m sorry. Sometimes I turn into a Beast. Little things trigger it. Do you mind?

Tiana: No, I don’t.

Man: You don’t?

Tiana: You have no idea how much I can relate.

Gaston: (Pushing the Beast) What the hell is he doing here!

Next time on Real World: Disney—the truth about Gaston’s past comes out, and the characters discover the Confessional room. Plus jealousy, lies, and romance. Which two cast members will share a kiss? Anything can happen when the cameras are rolling . . .

Feel free to contact columnists at Unleashed 

Creative Writing Columnist, Caroline Lewis: 

My name is Caroline Lewis, I am a super-senior at Cal (they just can't get rid of me!), and I am studying Integrative Biology with a minor in Creative Writing. Some might be thinking, "Why, those have absolutely nothing to do with each other" but I love writing fiction, it's my means of escape from the rigorous world of science. I especially love to incorporate humor into my writing; sometimes you have to search for it, but don't worry it's hidden in there somewhere! I hope you enjoy my work as much as I love creating it, and I look forward to working with this great group at Unleashed.

No comments: