Sunday, September 2, 2012

Page Turners: Real World Disney, PART II

Real World: DISNEY Part II
Caroline Lewis

[Previously, on Real World: Disney—the eight famous Disney stars each introduced themselves and met each other for the first time. See the story continue to unfold . . .]

This is the true story... of eight strangers... picked to live in a together and have their lives taped... to find out what happens... when people stop being polite... and start getting real...The Real World: DISNEY.

Day 2: The First Supper

We find our characters seated around the dinner table . . .

Snow White: Now everyone eat up! It’ll make you all nice and strong!

Peter Pan: Oh how fabulous! My thighs could so use some toning.

Peter eagerly gulps his dumpling stew.

Tiana: What did you say was in this?

Snow White: Well that’s a secret recipe. But I will tell you the most important ingredient . . . love!

Gaston: (To Aladdin) There’s no way this one’s ever been laid.

Aladdin: I bet you by the end of this thing I’ll have her riding my magic carpet, if you know what I mean.

Gaston: (Snickering) You’re on genie boy.

Cinderella: So Eric, do you and your girlfriend talk a lot? I mean I’m sure they don’t have phones underwater (she giggles).

Eric: (He laughs) Actually, you’d be surprised by the technology down there. We talk all the time.

Cinderella: (To herself) Dammit.

Aladdin: How do you . . . you know . . .

Eric: How do we what?

Aladdin: You know . . . uh . . . “color” (Aladdin puts up quotation signs with his fingers). I mean she is a fish.

Snow White: Oh, I love to color! Who has paper?

Gaston: (To Aladdin) Can we please put money on this bet?

Pocahontas: What bet?

Aladdin: We were just betting . . . that no one can make better dumpling soup than Snow White.

Snow White: Well aren’t you just adorable!

She walks over and kisses Aladdin on the forehead.

Aladdin winks at Gaston.

Pocahontas: Right. Well I don’t know about you all but I think it’s time we test out our new Jacuzzi.

Pocahontas stands up from her chair and heads toward the backyard.

Gaston: I’m done!

He drops his spoon and quickly follows Pocahontas out of the room.

Cinderella: Yes, that sounds fun! Eric, would you care to escort me? (She flutters her eyelashes)

Eric: Umm, sure. Is something wrong with your eye?

Cinderella: You’re so silly Prince Eric.

She grabs his arm and leads him toward the Jacuzzi.

Peter Pan: Omigod, girls. I totally have the perfect ensemble!

Peter shrieks and flies up the stairs.

Tiana: (To Snow White) Great. That’s just what we need. Pocahontas to wear even fewer clothes than she already has on. We’re gonna need some paper towels to clean up all that drool the guys left behind.

Snow White’s face lights up.

Snow White: Did you say clean?

Meanwhile, at the Jacuzzi . . . Gaston is the first to jump in.

Gaston: Ladies, I’ve warmed it up for you . . .

Cinderella: Okay, let me get changed. Ahem, Fairy Godmother!

A puff of pink smoke materializes and her Fairy Godmother appears.

Godmother: Yes, my dear.

Cinderella: I need my bikini. The blue one with the sequins, please.

Cinderella begins spinning in place, her arms stretched out.

Godmother: (To herself) I don’t get paid enough for this. Far-de-wa-and-fiddly-do-foddle-foodley-foddle.

The Godmother waves her wand and Cinderella’s rags transform into a bikini.

Cinderella: That’ll be all.

Aladdin: Cute trick. But watch this. (Aladdin grabs his lamp and rubs it) Genie! I wish I were changed into my swimming trunks.

A blue mist arises out of the lamp and the Genie pops out.

Genie: Sorry, kid. I’m off for the night. (He sees the Fairy Godmother). And who is this lovely creature?

The Godmother blushes a bright hue of red.

Godmother: Esmerelda is my legal name.

Cinderella: I thought your name was Fairy Godmother?!

Godmother: Please ignore her.

Genie: Are there any wishes I can grant you tonight?

The Godmother giggles and they vanish into the house.

Aladdin: Hey! This is bullshit! (To Cinderella) You need to control your witch!

Cinderella: At least mine listens to me, ha!

Frustrated, Aladdin walks into the house to go change.

Gaston: Where did Pocahontas go?

Cinderella: I think she’s over there talking to that tree.

Gaston: Why is everyone here so damn strange? Alright I guess you’ll do for now. Does that top come off easily?

Cinderella: It’s not supposed to. Why?

Gaston: Oh nothing.
As Cinderella enters the Jacuzzi, Peter Pan flies onto the deck wearing only a sparkling green Speedo.

Peter Pan: (To Gaston) No need to ask me. These do come off easily.

Peter winks.

Gaston: Nope, nope. No room. Nope.

Peter Pan: You’re such a comedian, Gaston!

Peter squeezes between Gaston and Cinderella.

Gaston: Why is there glitter floating in the water . . .

Peter Pan: You can clasp those handcuffs on me because I am guilty as charged! I naturally sweat glitter.

Cinderella: You are so lucky.

Aladdin appears from the house.

Aladdin: Hey is that Pocahontas in the tree? What is she doing up there?

Gaston gets out and heads toward the garden.

Aladdin: Where you goin’?

Gaston: I’d rather be in any tree than stay in there.

Aladdin: Suit yourself. (He gets in) So who here has been a part of the Mile High Club . . .

Peter Pan: Try two miles high (winks at Aladdin).

In the meantime, Eric is in the telephone room . . .

Eric: So how was your day?

Ariel: Oh just great, guess what I found?

Eric: Umm, an ancient war submarine?

Ariel: No silly. I found a spoon! Isn’t that neat!

Eric: I guess so. Just don’t let King Triton find it; you know your dad hates anything to do with land, including me.

Ariel: He does not. He just doesn’t agree with your style of living.

Eric: You mean the fact that I have legs.

Ariel: You know you could always live with us . . . then we could always be together.

Eric: I don’t know. We’ll talk about it another time, okay?

Ariel: Fine . . . are there any attractive girls there?

Eric: No one compares to you. You know I’m a fin man, baby . . . oh my gosh.

Ariel: What?

Eric: I have to call you back.

Ariel: Wha .  . .

Eric hangs up the phone and looks through the glass pane into the living room. A frog is seen hopping next to the pool table and out the back door. A scream is heard from the Jacuzzi.

Peter Pan: Get it away from me!

Gaston and Pocahontas run to the porch to see.

Pocahontas: I can catch it, someone give me a spear!

Eric: No, wait! Don’t hurt her!

Everyone stares blankly at Eric.

Eric: It’s Tiana. She must have turned into a frog again.

Aladdin: So . . . she has to kiss a prince. Gross man, Eric you can do it!

Cinderella: No!

Tiana and Snow White walk in from the kitchen.

Snow White: What’s all the commotion about?

Tiana: I hate all of you.

Next time one Real World: Disney—the cast decides to check out a club for the first time. Who knows what can happen when the lights are low, the music is high, and potion is present? The cast will show sides you’ve never seen before. Plus, a hook-up is in the air . . .

Creative Writing Columnist, Caroline Lewis: 

My name is Caroline Lewis, I am a super-senior at Cal (they just can't get rid of me!), and I am studying Integrative Biology with a minor in Creative Writing. Some might be thinking, "Why, those have absolutely nothing to do with each other" but I love writing fiction, it's my means of escape from the rigorous world of science. I especially love to incorporate humor into my writing; sometimes you have to search for it, but don't worry it's hidden in there somewhere! I hope you enjoy my work as much as I love creating it, and I look forward to working with this great group at Unleashed.

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